I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
