It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
