We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
