So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
