thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
