it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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