Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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