It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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