just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
