Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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