I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
