The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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