she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
we made out on top of his cat.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
