covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
