so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
