Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
