I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We had sex on a dog bed..
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
