Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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