Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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