i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
