I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Randomize
