2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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