you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
