I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Found the puke drawer
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
