He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
