Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
