I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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