He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
