I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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