so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
