i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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