just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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