Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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