And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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