If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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