Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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