did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize