Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
