New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize