Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
