Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
