how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
