no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
