I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
