He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
