I CAN MOONWALK!
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
