Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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