Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
