Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
