she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
