if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
