I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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