Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
