what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
