So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
