I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
