I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
