I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
