she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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