hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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