tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
