I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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