Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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