He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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