Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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