I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
