great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
