those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
