So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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